My Breastfeeding Battle

Before I had kids I just assumed I'd breastfeed them until they were one. That's how my mom had done it and it just seemed like the natural process. I even got some bottles at a couple of my showers and thought to myself "There's no way I'm going to need those." 

What I didn't know was that breastfeeding is HARD. And it's accompanied by a lot of issues. For some people it works out seamlessly- but I'm beginning to think they're in the minority. 

I remember sitting in the hospital the night after Colin was born trying to get him to latch. Ryan had left for a few hours to take a shower and get some work done. I was all alone. I could not, for the life of me, get him to latch. The only way he did it is if a lactation consultant was there literally doing it for him. At this time of night there were no lactation consultants to help me. Ryan came back to my hospital room to find a brand new mother bawling because she could not get her baby to eat. 

How could I embark on this parenting journey if I couldn't even provide my baby with the most vital thing his body needed to grow and thrive? How come no one told me this was a possibility? I'd just assumed that breastfeeding happened perfectly without any issues. It is the natural way, isn't it?

After we left the hospital I had my mom go to Target to buy me a pump. Without lactation consultants at home to help Colin latch I wasn't convinced that I'd be able to feed him. I tried- a ton; but it was always a struggle and I always ended up pumping anyways. My whole life was pretty much pumping, then feeding, then pumping, then feeding- with trying to get him to eat on his own sprinkled in there as well. I finally decided to stop trying to have him do it on his own and just pump full time. I had to start supplementing when he was around 5 months old and quit altogether at around 6 months. 

With Peyton I'd mentally prepared myself to pump full time. I figured she'd have the same latching issues he'd had. She actually latched really well. But then my milk came in and I had to start pumping because it was squirting her in the face and she couldn't do it. I also had some other issues which helped me decide to stick with the pumping. With her pumping went really well. I did it on my schedule and just fed her whenever she was hungry. I think I did it until she was about 5 months old. 

Before Brody was born I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Part of me wanted to start formula from the get-go. But the other part of me felt guilty for not trying. Maybe it would work out better this time. As it turns out, he was my best latcher. But once again, when my milk came in it became difficult for him. So I pumped and bottle fed him. (I was already having to pump one side every feeding because I produce so much that he didn't need both sides to eat- which added to extra engorgement). I did not want to pump full time again. So once my engorgement wasn't as bad I tried to switch him back. He did it without any issues. "Perfect!" I thought. Maybe this would actually work and I wouldn't have to pump my life away. 

Then the pain set it. Whenever he'd eat off my left side it felt like someone was jabbing 30 needles into my chest. It hurt so bad when he started eating that I would just sit there bawling. Sometimes the pain subsided a little but other times it never did. Ryan even commented that I looked like I was in more pain than when I had him---naturally. I was! My mom finally convinced me that I should call my doctor's office because maybe they could give me something for the pain. I got an appointment for the next day. 

The day of my appointment I started feeling sick. I felt like I had a fever but didn't. A couple hours later I took my temperature again and I did have a fever. I texted my mom to tell her. She said she'd come over and drive me to the doctor's and stay with the kids while I was in there. They gave me a prescription for mastitis. I had the fever on and off for over 48 hours. When I had it I was freezing. I wore sweatpants and a sweatshirt and had two blankets on me and was still shivering- uncontrollably. That usually lasted a few hours. Then, after the Tylenol kicked in the fever would break and I'd be sweating uncontrollably. That lasted a few hours, then the fever came back and the cycle continued. All I did was lay on the couch and sleep off and on. I had to pump during that time because I was in too much pain to nurse and I barely had the energy to sit up. 

After a few days the fever left but my left side still hurt constantly and both sides felt engorged constantly. I would literally pump one side, switch to the other, and the side I'd just pumped would be hard again. It was ridiculous. I finally decided that it wasn't worth it. I was miserable. The thought of having to pump full time again depressed me. And the pros of formula feeding were starting to sound really good in my head. 

So one morning I decided to just go for it. I'd gotten a couple Enfamil samples in the mail. Brody had just finished what I'd pumped that morning and was still acting hungry. I decided to go ahead and give him the formula rather than defrost frozen breast milk. I called Ryan and said "Brody's drinking formula right now." At that point, in my head, I was ready to quit. But I was nervous too because I was still engorged all the time and I didn't want to get mastitis again. 

I took it slowly and cut out the night time feeding. It was painful but I was in constant pain anyways so it didn't really matter. Eventually I let more time go in between feedings. Then I decreased them to just 5 minutes on each side. That finally got my production to decrease. The first few days of all that were still painful but when my supply started decreasing I became pretty excited that the end was in sight! I even ordered some 'no more milk' herbal tea. I don't know if it really worked but I was ready to try anything--I even contemplated chopping my boobs off!

 During all this I still felt guilty that I was drying myself up but I finally came to terms with the fact that even though my body is eager to produce, it produces way too much and I could not handle the pain, or the stress that pumping full time with 3 kids was causing me.

It's been about a month now and I don't regret my decision at all. I wish that things could have worked out for all my kids to just nurse like so many other babies do but I've come to terms with the fact that that's not something that works for me. If we ever have anymore kids I'll probably try to nurse them in the hospital so they get the colostrum but quit as soon as we get home. Who knows, maybe I'd just start them on formula immediately and start drinking that no more milk tea as soon as the baby's born!

Brody's One Month Stats

Brody's one month check up was on Friday.
He's growing like a weed! 

He's definitely our biggest baby!

He is currently:

Height: 23.25 inches (97%)

Weight: 12 lbs, 3 ounces (91%)

To compare- Peyton at 1 month:

Height: 22 inches (80%)

Weight: 10 lbs, 11.5 ounces (86%)

{I can't find Colin's 1 month info but at 2 months he was 23 inches and 12 pounds!}

He's such a sweetie! Everything looks great! Our only issue is that he gets a gassy tummy sometimes. We're trying to figure out what to do to help him. We've got him on formula for gassy babies (more on my breastfeeding battle later) and we've tried a couple kinds of gas drops. I'm not really sure that any of this is making a difference. The doctor said to just keep up what we've been doing. 

Thankfully he doesn't cry at every feeding. Just a couple times a day. And he's always been fine in the middle of the night -knock on wood-. He likes to be held upright and for us to be standing/walking around when his tummy hurts. I'm hoping he'll grow out of it soon, or that we can find some magic fix to make him feel better! I've never had a baby with crying issues like this :(

Peyton's 3 Year Old Stats

Peyton had her 3 year old check up this morning. She was so funny! She's really interested in doctors right now because she likes Doc McStuffins. Before we went we talked about how she wouldn't get a shot this time and that the doctor was going to check her heart, ears, nose, eyes, etc. 

She was so well behaved and the doctor commented on it. I was like "Yeah, she is being really good right now. Usually she's crazy!" She answered all the colors the doctor asked her and counted to 4- she can go higher but didn't. 

Here are her stats:

Height: 3 feet, 2.75 inches--86%

Weight: 37 pounds-- 92%

To compare, Colin at 3 years:

Height: 3 feet, 3.5 inches

Weight: 34.2 pounds

Brody also had his one month appointment so the doctor let Peyton help her examine him. Peyton handed her all of her tools when she was ready to use them. 

Peyton had to get the flu mist. When she got it last year it was during Colin's well child check-up. Peyton thought she was just along for the ride and we misted her. She was not happy! Months afterwards she'd say "That doctor is not going to put medicine in my nose." I was afraid she'd freak out when I told her they were going to do it again. She immediately covered her nose and said no but agreed to sit on my lap and let them do it. She did great! When I told her that she said "Yeah I did!" 

She's so cute! Can't believe she's 3!

One Month Already!

Brody turned one month on Sunday!

My goodness, that went by so fast! 

He is such a sweet boy and we all love him so much! 

He still sleeps a lot during the day but we are starting to get some more waking moments! His nights aren't too bad either. When we first came home from the hospital he'd sleep anywhere from 4-6 hours at night. That lasted for a couple weeks and then he switched it to being up every 3 hours--which wasn't too exciting for me because I really enjoyed those longer stretches! I've even had a couple pep talks with him before bedtime: "Listen, Brody, I love seeing you but let's stretch it out a little longer tonight." He wasn't buying it ;) 

So we had a couple weeks where he'd get up around 1 and 4 but sometimes at other odd hours. Just in the past couple days he's starting drinking his last bottle between 10 and 11 and laying down between 11 and 11:30, then getting up around 3:30 and then again around 7. None of these times are set in stone though, every night is an adventure trying to figure out how much sleep I'll get! 

I don't feel like a zombie though so I'd say he's doing pretty good!

The kids love to help with him. He was in his swing yesterday and I ran upstairs to do something. He woke up and was hungry. By the time I got back downstairs Peyton had a bottle and formula out, ready to get him some food! Colin loves to hold him and feed him. He's always offering which is great- especially when I'm trying to get something done! Whenever Peyton asks to hold him or help with his bottle her attention span lasts about 10 seconds and then she's saying "Okay, you do it, Mom." 

The last time we weighed him he was 10 lbs, 3 ounces. I think he was 2 1/2 weeks then but don't remember exactly. He has his one month check up on Friday. I'm anxious to see how much he weighs!

For the most part he's a pretty happy baby. He does seem to get tummy aches a lot, though, so we're trying to figure out what to do to help him. He'll cry, root, and move around and you can tell he's uncomfortable. Usually once he falls asleep it goes away. 

In the last week he's started smiling at us when we talk to or smile at him. It is the cutest thing! We can't get him to do it every time but he's working on it!

We sure love our little guy!!!

I caught a smile when we were taking his one month pics! 

(Side note about these month stickers: If you plan on using one don't put it on until the onesie is on the baby and you're ready to take the picture! I put his on before he was wearing it and every time I put the shirt on it crinkled the picture! I had to put the onesie on and take it off a couple times without even getting pictures because he got a tummy ache and was crying so I decided to wait until the next day for picture taking. Then when I got him in his shirt the next morning, he threw up immediately so I had to take the onesie off and switch the sticker to another onesie). 

And yeah, I need to take more pictures of Ryan with him! 

Happy Birthday, Three Year Old!

It's hard to believe Peyton turned 3 yesterday!!! 

Time sure does fly! 

She is the spunkiest, most hard-headed, determined, and hilarious little girl in the whole world! 

We had her party on Saturday so Rachel and James could be here. 

She was so cute! She got a lot of doctor and princess things so she kept changing outfits about every 5 minutes! There's a doctor kit in nursery and she loves it so I told my mom that was a good present idea. She's been giving people check-ups for days! 

I went the easy route and ordered a cake from Dairy Queen. Planning a birthday party when you have a 3 week old is a lot easier when you shop online and order pizza and the cake!

Ryan's mom sent her a rocking horse. It came the day before her birthday so Ryan put it together that night and had it sitting downstairs so she'd see it when she came down in the morning. She was so excited! 

We met my mom at Red Robin for lunch. They sang to her and gave her an ice cream sundae. She was adorable when they sang to her! She sat there and smiled and clapped her hands. I wish I would have gotten a video!
Funny lunch story: My mom has a crown that says "It's my 50th birthday". Peyton found it one day and brought it to our house. Rachel and James got Peyton a crown for her birthday that says "birthday girl." I told her she could wear her crown to lunch. Well, a jewel fell off the birthday girl one and I hadn't put it back on so she wouldn't wear it and opted for the 50th birthday one. So she went to Red Robin with that on. The waitress was like "It's your 50th birthday?" She cracks me up!

She loved "driving" the arcade car. It took a lot of bribing to get her away from that thing!

Afterwards we went to Hobby Lobby because I wanted to look for things for the entertainment center. {Side note: I will only go in public if I have my mom with me or I'm kid free because Peyton is too much to handle!}

When we got home we saw that my grandma had sent her flowers for her birthday. She was so excited! She said "Mom, my flowers are so beautiful!" She also likes the balloon!

That night we had our neighbors over for brownies and ice cream cake. 

I, of course, have been slacking on the picture front so I didn't get any. 

We're so blessed to have such great family and friends to celebrate Peyton's special day with us! We're even more blessed to have this sweet girl in our lives! 

We love you, baby girl! 

Soccer Mom

I am officially a soccer mom!

Really, Ryan's officially a soccer dad- because it's been his responsibility to take Colin to practice every week. 

This is the first time Colin's done a team sport- we're a little slow! 

He expressed interest in playing something and we thought soccer was good because there's a lot of running and we hope it will help him to get some energy out ;)

As it turns out, his good friend, Trey, played last year and his dad (Byron) coached- so we were able to get on their team this year. 

The practices started the Saturday after Brody was born--hence it being Ryan's responsibility to get him there every week! Colin's first game was on Saturday! 

Let me tell you, 1st grade soccer is pretty amusing! 

He may have inherited my soccer genes...the verdict's still out! So far he's not very aggressive and we have to remind him to get in there and get the ball! But he's trying hard and it's so funny to see the determination on his little face when he's running down the field!

He looks so cute in his uniform! He literally put it on as soon as he woke up Saturday morning--4 hours before the game started! Cleats and shin-guards included! 

We're excited to watch more games over the next couple months!

Mr. Independent

 Since Brody was born at 10:46 Thursday night we had Colin skip school on Friday so he could come to the hospital to meet him. Which means his first day back to school after Brody was born was Monday. So we essentially had one day at home before we had to get back into the school routine- with a baby! 

The first couple nights Brody was home he'd sleep in his crib from 1 AM-4 AM and then he and I would finish out the night on the recliner in the loft. Ryan only stayed home on Monday and then went back to work for the rest of the week. He was going to get Colin up and ready for the bus stop Monday morning but ended up sleeping through his alarm. I woke up on the recliner at 7:45- 15 minutes before Colin needed to leave. I'd heard someone rustling around and figured it was Ryan. Then Colin came into the loft. The sweet boy had gotten up, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, made his lunch, and packed a snack all by himself! 

On one hand I felt horrible that he'd had to do everything all by himself. On the other hand I was so proud of him for being such a big boy! Since then we've been a lot better (usually) about me getting up so I can help him with everything!